To stalk you, that is why

“Tech support, Thérèse speaking. Cell phone number, please?”

“What?”

“I’m asking for your cellular telephone number.”

“Why?”

“Well, you’ve reached the Technical Support department for cellular phones. In order to help you, I’m going to need to open your account.”

“Well I don’t want to give you my cell phone number!”

“Okay…”

“I just wanna know why I can’t call Europe.”

“Well, there could be a number of reasons. It could be that there is a block on international calls on your account, or possibly another sort of problem. I really won’t know unless I have a look at your account.”

“A BLOCK? Why would there be a BLOCK!?”

(Lordy! Surely not a dun dun dun… removable block!)

“Well, it’s company policy to add a standard block on roaming and international calls. You see, since we’re in Canada, many of our customers who live close to the border will lock on to a U.S. tower if the signal is stronger there. This racks up their cell phone bill rather quickly.”

“We pay enough money to your thieving company! Why the hell would you put a block on my damn account!?”

“Well, as I said–”

“WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING ME?”

“Madam, I’m explaining how things work so that we–”

“I WANT TO CALL EUROPE!”

“I understand that. If you could give me your number, I could–”

“WHY DO YOU WANT MY NUMBER!!?”

“You know, I would appreciate it if you would stop yelling at me.”

“WHAT?! I’M NOT YELLING, YOU STUPID COW!”

(Deep breath, Thérèse.)

“Just so you know, it’s a free block. It’s free to remove the block. Only thing is there might be a number of reasons you’re unable to call overseas. I won’t be able to know without opening the accoun–”

“I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MY PHONE NUMBER, WHY DO YOU WANT IT SO BAD??”

“Just to see if–”

“Transfer me.” She was seething.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Transfer me to someone else. Now.”

“I’d be happy to transfer you, but where would you like to be transferred?”

“OBVIOUSLY, this here? You and I? It is not working. We are NOT communicating. I want to speak to someone else.”

“Someone else in technical support? They’re also going to ask you for your phone num–”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.”

*click*

I think that last thing she said was kind of like a death rattle. And this comforts me.