Okay, so they may look cute, all blue and embroidered with little diamond-like jewels on them. And they only cost $10, which makes them even more appealing. But I hate them. I am wearing my new shoes for the very first time and I swear they are the most demonic things I have ever put my feet in. By the time I reached the subway station this morning I was already limping, and it is only a five minute walk! I’ve been at work, just sitting here, and they are giving me blisters. How can I get blisters from just sitting here? I currently have 3 band-aids on each foot, and I can tell it’s going to be well over six before I get home today.

My shoes were supposed to be the centerpiece of my entire outfit today. I dressed entirely in black, and matched my jewelry and make-up with my shoes. Today it was supposed to be all about my new blue shoes. Now they are the centerpiece of my discomfort and today is all about survival of the fittest. Who will win this battle of Foot Vs. Shoe?

Alas, the things we ladies do to ourselves for the sake of fashion. New shoes are supposed to make us feel good. Confident. Like we can accomplish anything. But today I can’t even accomplish walking to the coffee machine without wishing I could be the cleaning lady’s shoes; scrubbing toilets in soft cushy sneakers. Maybe I can convince her to trade.

Any advice oh great shoeist?

Signed,

Red in the foot over new blue shoes.

Dear Red,

*sucks in breath*

My dear, dear, Red, I feel your pain. I, too, have suffered the fate of wanting to wear shoes to perfectly match an outfit only to have said shoes make me suffer. And this, not only because they resulted in my being miserable in those shoes but also because they resulted in my being miserable in all other shoes, due to the resulting blisters. So believe me when I tell you that I really, truly and deeply feel your pain. And I sympathize. There are, however, lessons to be learned here and things you can do.

First and foremost remove the painful shoes, and don the extra shoes you keep at the office for just this kind of emergency. For those wondering at home, I myself currently have four extra pairs of shoes at the office. Having less than 2 extras is practically irresponsible.

Second, don’t worry. We have all been taken in by a shiny, seemingly lovely shoe at one point or another. You wanted them to be perfect, but sadly, they were poser shoes. They were posing as the shoes of your dreams, but have revealed themselves to be only beautiful on the outside, not the inside. It is okay to loathe them, and reject them. Or give them away to someone you hate. You only spent $10, after all.

Next, you have several pairs of beautiful, beautiful shoes. I, for one, can tell for a fact that a person such as yourself would probably own one decent pair of ballerina flats that are perfect with everything. Although since you took pains to be all in black, with startlingly gorgeous and colourful shoes to stand out, you might try a more colourful and comfortable mule. In either case, it is not impossible to continue to wear beautiful, and somewhat more comfortable, shoes, even as your feet heel. I mean heal.

Take heart, oh poorly shod one. When you get home tonight, soak your feet in a nice warm (or cool, whichever feels better to you) water bath for 20 minutes, and then put them up. If you want to get fancy, I recommend that you draw one warm and one cool basin, and alternate your feet between the two. Take care with the blisters. Then, a gentle foot massage, either using a tennis ball or a significant other. It will do them (your feet, not your significant other) a world of good and you’ll be back in dancing shoes before you know it.

And remember. Life is short. Buy the shoes.